Never Make Your Sign’s Worst Sex Mistakes Again
When it comes to sexual preferences, you know how all of the sayings go—different strokes for different folks. Whatever floats your boat or let your inner freak wave its flag. Human sexuality is unique by the person, by the couple, and frankly, by the day. And while plenty of aspects impact your mood and your desire to strip down and well, get to it—your star sign might be one of the most underestimated guiding principles. After all, the planets of which you were born under help define your energy, your kinks and your appetite (or distaste) for romance.
Depending on if you’re an Aries, a Virgo or something else entirely, there will be ways you impress your sexual partners—and ways you fall short. Luckily, self-awareness is the key to improving your performance. Here, astrologers and sex experts share their advice and wisdom.
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Astrologer and entrepreneur Katie Huang explains by nature, Aries are impulsive, fiery and in charge, making them a bit impatient about every area of their life. “While they certainly carry their passion for life into the bedroom, going immediately from door to floor all the time might cause them to miss out on the more subtle elements of sex that make it all the more pleasurable—like foreplay and slow building sexual tension,” she explains. Because Aries is a cardinal sign, they’re always moving forward and probably would enjoy quickies, but this could leave their partner feeling less than fulfilled.
Finding your chill when you have none? Not so easy. But sexual educator Jimanekia Eborn suggests making it into a game for better results. “Make it fun for you and the person you are playing with. Challenge yourself to see how slowly you can go, and then speed things up. Play with speed, play with pressure,” she adds.
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Another way to shift your traditional routine, according to couples therapist Dr. Sarah Schewitz, is to reconsider the end-game. “Remember that the goal of sex is not just to orgasm. You can do that on your own. Sex with another person is about connection, intimacy, and the whole experience. Light some candles, put on some music, and slow down enough to really take in every sensation,” she recommends.
When you’re selecting a restaurant for dinner, you care about quality food, sure, but ambiance is what will make the sale for you. According to in-house astrologer for The Standard Miami Beach, Lori Bell, the same is true for your sexual appetite. “It’s all about the sensuality. Taurus has to have the candles, oils, sheets, music—they have to be in the ‘right’ mood. They love to touch and want to be comfortable before sex,” she explains. This can also mean you are a bit stubborn, always going after the same mechanics and become frustrated if it doesn’t meet your high standards. For your partner, this could become annoying, or worse, boring.
To shake it up, Dr. Schewitz suggests a change of scenery. “Try initiating on the living room couch instead of just in the bedroom. Or surprise your partner by jumping in the shower with him or her one morning,” she says. “Not sure if you’re in the mood? Challenge your partner to a dare by saying you bet they can’t get you in the mood. Everyone loves a little challenge now and then and as you know, moods can change at the drop of a hat.”
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Sex and relationship therapist Courtney Geter also recommends taking some self-care time to ensure you have a healthy balance of your own needs being met while meeting the demands of others. “For a Taurus who may be stuck in a routine, next time try that routine a little differently. It may feel uncomfortable at first though it’s very beneficial for improved brain function and problem solving skills. Routines can be helpful though they can become very rigid leading to dissatisfaction and possible mood swings,” she explains.
Ever curious, talkative, indecisive and almost always up for anything, Geminis are definitely among the most fun of the zodiac signs. Astrologer Christopher Renstrom says this makes you a great sexual partner, since you’re open and inquisitive and enjoy trying new things, but it can also be a little too much, too soon. “Everything a Gemini knows about sex they learned from their friends—or a porn site. It can be a little off-putting at first when they whip out the toys and want to live-stream your lovemaking,” he says.
Though certain people might be into this sort of fun, it isn’t for everyone, and it requires Geminis to have a bit of patience, which by the way, isn’t their strongest quality. After all, since they get bored easily, it can be difficult for them to really settle in, get vulnerable and make love, as opposed to more happy-go-lucky romps. “What Geminis need to learn is that they’re not just making love to anyone, they’re making love to you—and baby, you’re worth it.”
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Psychologist, relationship expert and author Antonia Hall recommends putting your razor-sharp mind to work and challenging yourself to communicate without using words as you engage with your partner. “A gemini should focus on touch, kissing and finding sweet spots on their partner, using show don’t tell to express themselves,” she adds.
Once you’ve deepened your connection—no pun intended—you can begin to explore that wild kinky side. Eborn says, “Keep it fun and spicy. Do research into different types of sex acts. Do research into those toys you’ve been thinking about. Take a new class in your area or online so that you can keep evolving in the bedroom.”
Time to fess up: Have you tried the friends-with-benefits tango, only to end up broken-hearted? Bell explains even when cancers try, casual sex isn’t something they’re comfortable with or particularly enjoy. “You can’t turn a weekend fling into a marriage. Cuddles, caring for your lover is your thing,” she explains. This makes you a great match for a long-term relationship, and hey, it’s okay if you can’t be carefree like your other pals in the zodiac. The struggle here is accepting this and fostering this quality about yourself. “Sex is one of the most vulnerable acts with another person and not something that can be rushed. Feeling and knowing there is trust and safety in the relationship will allow a Cancer to become more vulnerable and engage in foreplay activities,” she adds.
On the other hand, even when you’re settled in a committed something-or-another, your, ahem, crabby personality, can make you quite moody, leaving your partner scratching their head on how to initiate with you. As Renstrom explains, “Cancers always move sideways towards what and who they want, like the way a crab scuttles along the shore. A cancer will never outright say, ‘let’s get it on’, they will give tiny hints that they’re interested mating. It’s up to you to start the mating dance with them,” he explains. Is this confusing for those you date? Sure is, which is why you need to challenge yourself to be more open about your feelings, instead of shuffling away from them.
In many parts of your life, Leo, you probably feel confident. You enjoy the limelight, are first to volunteer to make a speech and appreciate any attention in your direction. Even so, you have a dirty little secret: Your insecurities wreck havoc on your psyche. As Huang explains, you need more reassurance and affirmation in the bedroom, compared to other signs. This might make it difficult to become vulnerable and open yourself up, and force you to rush through various sexual acts, too. You might also feel more comfortable receiving than giving, making you a tad on the selfish side. Further, all of this ‘Look what I did!’ and ‘Love me!’ can be exhausting.
“Leo must learn to give without necessarily needing validation or acknowledgment or expecting their partner to lavish praise on them. Constantly asking a partner for praise, especially about their sexual prowess, is decidedly unattractive and can cause resentment in Leo’s intimate relationships,” Renstrom explains. “Lovemaking should be a celebration of love among equals.”
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To ensure you’re being a genuine lover, Dr. Schewitz looking at the lovemaking experience as a whole, not just foreplay or the act. And of course, get out of your head. “The most important thing for Leo is to stop judging yourself. Those who have trouble with vulnerability often have a fear of being truly seen due to an (often unconscious) feeling of not being good enough. Practice radical self acceptance both in and out of the bedroom,” she suggests.
They won’t admit it openly, and probably won’t talk about it without a little bit of wine or nudging but celebrity astrologer Kristin West says Virgos are the secret freaks of the zodiac. They’ll be happy to let their flag fly in any direction when they’re comfortable with someone…but only after they’ve crossed their T’s, dotted their I’s and taken a peek at your medical report. Because though they are kinky, West says they are also hypochondriacs. “If you want to get frisky with a Virgo, expect them to want a full dossier on your sexual experience, when your last STI check up was and so on,” she continues.
This makes you happiest in a stable, faithful partnership but you might also struggle to be flexible. And you could also give everything you have to another person, only to feel unfulfilled in return. “Virgo may find themselves in situations where there’s an imbalance in a sexual relationship—where one partner is significantly older, more powerful or comes from a more privileged background. Virgo must be vigilant about not letting imbalances in their coupling poison their boudoir,” West says.
To ensure you don’t overextend yourself and that you actually enjoy your sexual escapades, Dr. Schewitz has one very important phrase for you, “You do you. Let that freak flag fly! The more authentic you are to yourself and your desires, the more likely you are to match with someone who loves you for you; not the altered version of you that you think they will like better,” she explains.
Even when you’re in a relationship that checks off all of your boxes, do you have this nagging notion that perhaps, there is someone better out there? Better sex to be had? Renstrom says Libras are notorious for continuously daydreaming about greener pastures. “If they’re sleeping with their spouse they’re thinking about their lover and if they’re sleeping with their lover they’re worrying about their spouse. Even if it’s a hookup, Libras still ask themselves if they can do better,” he says.
Another issue you might battle, according to Huang is having standards that feel nearly impossible to meet. You’re ruled by Venus, which prizes beauty, balance and partnership, making you devour romance unlike anyone else. Or as she puts it, you believe sex should be nothing short of an art form. “They demand elegant and sophisticated experiences and can be completely uncompromising if the setting and mood isn’t up to their standards,” she continues.
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And if you’re not seeing everything laid out on a red carpet, lit by candles and featuring soft-playing music? You’ll be upset but you might not share that with your partner: “Libra’s strong aversion to confrontation makes it difficult for them to communicate their sexual needs and their indecisive nature only makes it harder for them to pin down what they truly want to begin with,” Huang adds.
Dr. Schewitz urges Libras to explore a bit more and be unafraid to dabble into the unknown. “It’s time to loosen up! There is no right or wrong way to have sex. Sure you have your preferences but when you try something different, you might just realize there are a lot of ways to feel pleasure you weren’t event giving a chance,” she says.
Huang says you’re the Don Juan of the zodiac, Scorpio, since your reputation as a sexual conquistador precedes them “This mysterious and magnetic sign seems to be able to draw the inner freak out of almost anyone for a truly mind melting experience. But such carnal delights must come at a cost,” she says. Adding, “The darker side of Scorpio’s intense sexuality manifests itself in mind games, obsession, and jealousy.” Though on the surface, it could be appealing for a short romp, in a long term relationship, it manifests into a power struggle, where you feel the need to control everything. This is dangerous territory, especially since any sort of partnership should be equal. Renstrom says Scorpios often push the envelope of everything under the sheets, but move too quickly and intensely to talk about it, which can make your partner feel uncomfortable.
Eborn says it is in the best interest of a Scorpio… and everyone they sleep with… to take a breather. And not just a physical one, but a mental one, too. “When jealousy and obsession over something or someone comes up, slow down and check in with what you’re really feeling. Is it really what you’re upset about or is there more underneath it?,” she urges.
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Dr. Schewitz also recommends trying not to make everything life-or-death, or worrying that one bad move could mean the end of love. “When you start to feel possessive or jealous, remind yourself, ‘What is for me will never pass me by’ meaning if someone is supposed to be yours, they will be. If they are not, there is a growth experience or a silver lining hidden somewhere in that disappointment,” she says.
You meet someone, it’s going wonderfully. You feel a connection, you can’t stop kissing. Or talking. The sexual energy is strong and undeniable. But the moment a new relationship settles into a routine or intensifies, you have one foot out the door, according to West. “What this deprives Sagittarians of is a depth of intimacy. Sagittarians will chase after an unrequited love and also will have others chasing after them,” she explains. It can also create the ‘it’s complicated’ scenarios where, as West puts it, you might not just have a love triangle but a solar system of could-be, would-be and should-be situations. “Sagittarius can suffer from thinking that the ‘grass is greener on the other side’ and not be truly present to a partner, even when making love, so being mindful, truly present and committed are Sagittarius’ biggest intimacy challenges,” she says.
To help remedy this, Geter suggests slowing down, even when you’re in the throes of passion. “A Sagittarian should be more sensitive in communication, as well as learn how to slow down and be in the moment. They need to further explore why making decisions or being in complicated situations is the norm. Complicated situations can create a lot of personal and relational stress and conflict. This could increase stress leading to lack of sex and relationship satisfaction,” she explains.
Though you are career-oriented and ambitious, making you a relentless hard worker toward your goals and dreams, you may struggle with taking time to relax and unwind and well, enjoy sex. In fact, you want to be in control always, making the act of serving someone else not so easy. “As a tightly wound, naturally-dominant sign, handing over the reigns in the bedroom could take considerable coaxing,” Huang explains. Because of your tenacious attitude, you’re also focused on the end result, making love-making feel like a project or a task, instead of a moment to savor the sensations.
Geter says Capricorns would benefit from exploring the source for a need of rules and structure and working on adding spontaneity to their sexual experiences. You won’t instantly be able to release the reins but you can begin with small adjustments within your comfort zone. “Create a plan for sex play with two to three different options during the play. Then, during the play, decide in the moment or allow your partner to choose what activity will occur,” she says. Adding, “Always create a safe word or gesture in case you feel too uncomfortable and need to stop. This plan will allow for some control but the flexibility to be spontaneous or allow another to make decisions in the moment.”
Truth be told, Aquarius, there isn’t anything you won’t do in the bedroom but you do have to feel at ease enough to express what you want, how you want it and when. “Aquarians like to push boundaries and get off on anything different, taboo or whatever goes against the norm, making them highly experimental and open lovers,” Huang says. Even so, you might get caught up in the fantasy of what sex is, rather than the reality of what the experience is actually like. “Highly intellectual, sex for an Aquarius is more of an intriguing idea and concept to mentally dissect than it is an emotionally bonding experience,” she continues.
Because you’re so in your head, West says you may wind up in the friend-zone, not allowing you to really explore this side of yourself because you don’t speak up. “Aquarians are great friends, but sometimes struggle with moving from friend to lover or they get trapped in friends-with-benefits situations that leave them or someone else unsatisfied. Many lovers of Aquarians perceive them to be detached at times, or emotionally unavailable, because they appear to feel so strongly about issues and causes and not so strongly about specific people,” West explains.
So what do you do, quirky, sexy Aquarian? Turn your attention away from yourself and your needs and consider your only task is to understand your partner’s body from top to bottom. As Dr. Schewitz recommends: “Notice how your partner reacts when you touch him or her all over. Use your partner’s reactions as a roadmap to ultimate pleasure. Your only goal is to stay focused on his or her every noise, move, and reaction. Focusing in on the small details can make a big difference.”
You not only want to connect to your partner on a sexual level, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. “Sex with a Pisces is never just about the physical connection, it’s a completely immersive experience. Pisces loves to play the part and will give wholeheartedly to make their partner’s sexual fantasies come true,” Huang says. But what happens on your way to devouring your partner is you lose sight of yourself, suffering from immense selflessness and tolerance. “Just because something doesn’t necessarily bother you much, doesn’t mean you have to keep putting up with it,” she continues.
You could also be guilty of imagining an idyllic situation with a partner, instead of seeing them for who they are, which makes you a common victim of manipulation. “Pisces will often create a fantasy about a partner that doesn’t match the reality of who their partner really is, setting them up for deep disappointment and disillusionment,” West says. “Pisceans must be wary of selfish partners and not make excuses for partners that treat them badly.”
Remember when you’re starting to devote yourself completely to your number one (or your fling) that you deserve pleasure, too. “One of the most beautiful things about sex is seeing your partner feel pleasure and knowing you are the cause of it. As a selfless Pisces, you know this well. But don’t deprive your partner of the same joy. By allowing your partner to give to you, while you do nothing more than receive and enjoy, you are giving them a gift, too,” Schewitz says.
Lindsay Tigar is a lifestyle and travel journalist with a decade of experience. Her work has appeared in Travel & Leisure, Vogue, USA Today, Fast Company and others. For her full portfolio, visit lindsaytigar.com or visit her on Instagram.
Photo: Mike Dorner on Unsplash