For a little over a year, I have been working as a healer, mentor and coach—helping people release old stories and traumas about their pasts and create the lives they want to live. My area of expertise and focus is All Things Love, Sex, and Spirituality—and that is why I am your Horoscope.com Sex Goddess! I’ve been curious about sexuality and spirituality since I was a preteen living in the Bible Belt and spending summers in sexy Brazil with my dad. I became determined to understand why religion had decided sex was bad, and why we as a civilization have been living with guilt and shame around sex ever since. I am so ready for us all to be done with that! Why can’t we drop the shame around our bodies and sexuality and live in harmony with nature and ourselves?
Okay, so that is a big mission, and a big subject to tackle! But let’s break it down….
3 ways to lose your sexual guilt and have a happy and fulfilling sex life:
1. Find those shame spots, and bring ’em to light!
We all have something we are ashamed of when it comes to sex and our bodies. That skeleton will never leave you, so you may as well bring it out and dust it off and take a look at it. Yes, this is easier said than done. So, let me give you a couple of “shame scenarios,” and how to deal with ’em:
Scenario one: You are ashamed that you are turned on by watching porn. Instead of hiding this for years, practice being light and joyful around it, and seeing that quite possibly it’s not a big deal! It’s not hurting anyone, and by doing it in secret, you’re just storing shame in your body. Share your secret with your partner. Consider watching your favorite porn together and seeing how it feels. Next, invite your partner to share their secret with you. No matter how your partner responds to your new openness, you’ll be amazed at how relieved you’ll feel when you unburden yourself of your sexual secret(s).
Scenario two: You are ashamed of your past. You’ve spent years discovering your sexuality. Sometimes it’s been fun. Sometimes disastrous. However, keeping your disasters locked in a closet will do nothing for you. How can you share something about your past in a way that releases the shame around it? Glad you asked. Say you went on a Tinder spree a year ago and had casual sex with everyone within a five-mile radius; and now, every time someone mentions Tinder, you cringe. My advice: Do a ritual to honor that adventurous spirit of yours. Or, just let loose and laugh about it! However you do it, find some way to embrace that part of yourself, so the shame doesn’t fester in a corner of your psyche.
2. Make a list of things that turn you on.
Sounds simple, right? But honestly, most people just reach for the easy and palatable and accessible when it comes to sex. Because the “easy” stuff—kissing, massage, whatever—also feels good. But what if you were to go beyond your normal capacity for pleasure and extend it to the next level? What would that mean for you? Perhaps having your toes licked? Or being blindfolded and kissed all over for an hour or two? Engaging in role play with a lover? Or, maybe just not doing the dishes for a week? Knowing what you really want, deep down, is so essential. After all, how can you expect your lover to go above and beyond when you, yourself, have zero idea what your next level is? Find it. And have fun with it! This is your erotic journey to claim! Make sure you step outside your comfort zone! There, in that glorious spot, is your ticket to freedom. As I tell my clients, If you aren’t trying something new, then you aren’t growing. And what else have you got to do, but continue to blossom like the gorgeous flower you are?
3. Dress for sexual success (like, really)!
Again, sounds easy, right? But I mean much more than just dressing sexy. It’s a whole vibe shift. Spending a few moments every day to honor your erotic self has the power to change things in BIG WAYS. Imagine you did five push-ups every morning. How could you not get stronger? So, what if you spent five minutes a day making sure your sexy lingerie was washed and ready to wear? Or taking time to bathe and moisturize your skin? Or self-pleasuring? You know that post-orgasmic glow radiates from you all day long, don’t you? It sure does. And when you have on those spicey panties, or that dress that hugs your curves just right, your attitude shifts and you begin to have more sexual power in the world—not to mention more adventure, and less of that useless shame and guilt.
Shedding your sexual shame is a process. And the fun is in the journey. Not honoring your sexual self is like trying to walk with one leg. Why not use both? Why not welcome this glorious delightful part of your humanity with grace?
Let me know how your journey goes! Email me at [email protected] with your story, or with questions. I’m here for you!
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