Single? Afraid to sign up for a swiping app? We get it. But getting out there and dating doesn’t only help you find “The One,” it helps you tune into your soul and figure out who you are. The brilliant Alexandra Roxo, a sex coach, love coach, and intuitive explains how it all works—and why swiping for dates can feed your soul.
I love to-do lists, hunting down what I want, making sh*t happen. It makes me feel empowered, like the huntress-warrior Athena. After all, Athena goes after her goals. Fights battles. Conquers. But, in ancient Greek mythology, Athena is a virgin! She don’t get no lovin’.
The goddess Athena
As much as I admire Athena, I still crave tenderness and affection. So, when I find myself swinging hard in the warrior-goddess direction, I take pause and tune into another archetype.
Athena’s Roman counterpoint is Venus. She’s the lover. She doesn’t need to hunt! She lets things come to her. When I think of her, I imagine putting down my metaphorical bow and arrow, taking a deep breath, and shedding my armor, just like Venus emerging from her half-shell in that iconic painting, The Birth of Venus. Venus is open. Vulnerable. Irresistible. And P.S. anyone can channel her: men, women, gender non-conforming people…. Archetypes and energy go beyond genitals!
So what do you do when you’re all boss-goddess and want a little tenderness in your life?
Well, in times like these, I turn to Tinder.
Yep, Tinder. To shift into your Venus vibe—the vibe of receiving love from yourself as well as others—sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, engage with the unknown. And Tinder is nothing if not an engagement tool, right?
Last year I took a dating-and-sex hiatus for six months. Okay, fine, it was five. I was going through a life transition and needed space and time to clarify my next steps. And it felt great. But after nearly half a year, I realized that I was way out of touch with my Venus vibe. I needed to get back in balance!
So I broke the fast and hopped on Tinder. On my first date, I rambled about my work for two hours over tacos. It felt like a business meeting. Fail. But also helpful!
On the second try, I decided to play open, juicy, and kind with the blond biker dude who sat across from me. This time, I’d give Athena the night off and let Venus take the mic. Then the words, “Yeah, so I was directing this TV pilot for Vice…” came out of my mouth. What? Why did I feel the need to lay my professional creds on this guy? Oh yeah, I was trying to prove who was boss.
But just because I’m a boss babe doesn’t mean I need to be the boss babe all the time. By day, I can be killin’ it in my career, knocking down to-do lists, and working to empower my clients.
And by evening, I can jump on the back of a Harley, hold on tight, and let myself be carried away.
That’s not what happened with the blond biker dude. I wasn’t in the space to let it. But on a string of Tinder dates after that, I managed to channel Venus and be emotionally open to the person I was meeting. Each time, it was terrifying, humbling, and I learned some deep—like, soul-level deep—stuff about myself. By simply letting down my guard, I learned: what I deserved, who I was, the role I’d gotten (a little too) comfortable in, and what I truly crave in my love life.
If you’re feeling the need for some love and affection, you might try letting Athena chill in the backseat and giving Venus the wheel. I think you’ll enjoy where she takes you.
Header photo by Caitlin Mitchell
Read more of Alexandra Roxo’s juicy, soul-searching wisdom here:
What Color is Your Sexual Aura? Find Out for the Best Sex of Your Life
Is Sign Compatibility BS or Essential?
Here’s Why May-December Romances Are Better than Therapy
Conscious Touch is the New Sex
This Fall in Love Technique Sounds Crazy, but it Works