There are two types of people in the world, according to life coach Rhonda Britten. Those who blame others for their problems, and those who blame themselves.
When I was suffering from anxiety and depression, I spent most of the time blaming myself for just about everything. I was a victim of my own circumstances and it certainly kept me feeling depressed and sad. It was hard for me to be accountable for anything or see the big picture.
If you find yourself blaming others or yourself for situations in your life, it can be hard to let go. But with more awareness and a daily practice of self-compassion, it is possible. It starts with taking reasonability for your own life. When we move past blame, we can take responsibility and release the guilt attached to self-blame.
No matter what, blaming yourself (or others) for situations keeps you unhappy because we feel like we have no control. A healthier alternative is to go beyond the blame by looking at your life and obstacles as an opportunity to act from a place of love and kindness vs. fear.
If you punish yourself or others for mistakes, then these tips can help.
Turn your shoulds into coulds
When is the last time you said “I Should” do this? Many of us pressure ourselves to do things we don’t want to do. “I should workout.” “I should call them back.” “I should do more in my day.” We end up shoulding all over ourselves. Instead of saying “should,” start saying “could.” “I could” is more empowering, freeing and expansive. It gives you permission to feel more joy in the moment.
Study the blessing in the lesson
Every situation we experience is part of a bigger plan. When you can look at setbacks and opportunities for growth, life becomes easier and there is less pressure. Look at the blessing in each lesson. Instead of blaming yourself for a situation, look for the silver lining. Ask yourself: what could this situation teach me?
Trust Yourself More
Many of us blame ourselves after the fact, most often because of regret or denial. This happens because we don’t trust ourselves. We make choices for the wrong reasons. But when you learn to trust yourself, you will have more confidence. This eliminates self-doubt. You will be aligned with your true self and innermost desires. That naturally creates a compassionate experience and helps you remove self-blame.
Shannon Kaiser, a wellness writer, life coach, and speaker is the author of The Self Love Experiment.
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