Is your love life far from loving? Being involved in an abusive relationship can happen to anyone at any position or stage in life.
Those caught up in this situation aren’t always timid or weak, either. Many are very intelligent, have high self-esteem, and seem to have their lives together and can still fall prey to this destructive situation. There are varying degrees and types of abuse including verbal, emotional, mental, financial, and sexual – and often these overlap.
The bottom line is that the one being abused slowly has their self-esteem whittled away until they lose confidence in themselves and their ability to make choices that reflect their best interests. They feel powerless and often become alienated from friends and family, so they are very alone with no one to confide in.
What the Planets Have To Do With It If you are subconsciously attracted to abusive partners you may find there are strong Pluto/Mars or Pluto/Venus aspects in your chart that are playing out in this way, but there are many mixes that may contribute, including Uranus/Mars and Saturn/Mars. Your Natal chart shows potentials which can manifest, but don’t always.
Usually there is a link from the chart of the abuser to that of the abused which brings such patterns out. It is also possible that an abusive relationship can be triggered by a powerful transit, such as Pluto, Uranus, Saturn, or Neptune crossing the Descendant and entering the Seventh House.
So how can you tell if you might be attracted to abusive partners? You may prefer the bad guys or gals over those who seem really sweet and together. You may fear that if you go out with someone who is stable and successful that you will get bored.
It may also seem that someone who is aggressive and tough has the ability to look after themselves and after you, too. You may like the idea of conquering someone who is wild and bad, and who clearly has problems. If they pay attention to you, you feel flattered and perhaps kid yourself that you can change them – get them out of their bad ways and back on the road to healing.
There maybe incidences of abusive relationships in your family, and so the pattern and programming is already present. It may be a secret that runs through one side of the family or the other, or that has plagued the family line.
There are many areas of the chart that can reveal the potential for such patterns. Pluto in a certain position (on the IC or in the Fourth, Eighth or Twelfth houses), or Saturn in Scorpio in the Fourth, Eighth, or Twelfth houses can indicate such patterns. Alone these are not a cause, but suggest that a look at the family tree and an investigation into the past may shed some light on what is happening in the present.
There are aspects that link with self-sabotage and these too can be included in the mix. We seek out relationships we subconsciously know will hurt us because somewhere inside we feel shame and we feel unlovable.
The most important action you can take is to get help and get out, and this too may coincide with transits that signify you have had enough. Uranus transits to key areas of the chart may signify that time is up. You have to reclaim your power, confidence, and freedom. Talking to one person can get the ball rolling.
For example, when things came to a head between Rihanna and Chris Brown, transiting Pluto was moving over her natal Uranus/Saturn conjunction, which was explosive, and brought the relationship to a dramatic end.
At some point the desire will kick in to break free – it is just a question of whether it happens sooner or later, and how much you really want out and want your power back.