To love someone deeply, you have to understand where they learned to hide. Black Moon Lilith marks the place where your lover was told they were too much. Too intense, or loud. Too strange or emotional. Somewhere along the way, they learned that being fully themselves came with consequences. Exile. Shame. Silence.
If you love someone, you will eventually meet their Lilith. It will show up in moments of defensiveness, withdrawal, intensity, or fear of being misunderstood. When that part of them isn’t honored, it can turn resentful or destructive. But when it’s seen, protected, and invited forward, it becomes their greatest source of power.
The myth of Lilith tells the story of a spirit banished not for being evil, but for refusing to shrink. She knew her worth, and for that, she was cast out. In a birth chart, Lilith shows where that same rejection lives inside a person. It reveals the part of them that learned to go underground to survive.
Loving someone through their Lilith means creating a relationship where the part of them that was once exiled finally has a home. Here’s how to do that, sign by sign.
To love someone with Lilith in Aries, you have to let them lead without punishing them for it. They grew up being told they were too loud, too aggressive, too much. Somewhere along the way, their natural fire was restrained, and they learned that asserting themselves could cost them love or approval. As adults, this can turn into hesitation, second-guessing, or a fear of coming on too strong, even when leadership is their instinct.
They feel most powerful when their initiative is welcomed. Encourage them to make decisions, plan adventures, and express desire without shame. When they speak boldly, don’t frame it as controlling. When they act passionately, don’t ask them to soften it. Your trust in their strength allows them to reclaim the confidence they were once told to suppress.
To love someone with Lilith in Taurus, you must permit them to receive. They were taught that comfort was indulgent, that pleasure was unnecessary, and that wanting security made them weak. Deprivation shaped their early relationship with love, whether emotionally, materially, or physically.
They feel powerful when ease is treated as sacred rather than selfish. Let them rest and enjoy beauty. Let them accept affection, gifts, and stability without guilt. When you show them that safety can exist without scarcity, you help them rebuild trust in pleasure and remind them that joy does not have to be earned through suffering.
To love someone with Lilith in Gemini, you must make their voice safe. They learned early that words could get them into trouble, that curiosity could provoke punishment, and that honesty wasn’t always rewarded. Over time, they learned to edit themselves, oscillating between silence and oversharing as a form of protection.
They feel most powerful when communication flows freely without judgment. Let them ask questions and change their minds mid-sentence. Let them express complicated or unfinished thoughts without needing to justify themselves. Your patience with their voice teaches them that truth does not have to be dangerous and that being heard doesn’t require perfection.
To love someone with Lilith in Cancer, you must honor their emotional truth. They were taught that sensitivity was a burden and that their feelings were inconvenient to others. In response, they learned to armor themselves, presenting as composed while quietly disconnecting from their inner world.
They feel powerful when vulnerability is welcomed instead of managed. Let them cry without rushing to fix it. Let them express fear, jealousy, or need without labeling them as dramatic. When you stay present with their emotions, you show them they no longer have to hide their softness to be loved.
To love someone with Lilith in Leo, you must see them without making them perform. They learned that wanting attention was dangerous and that visibility invited criticism or dismissal. As a result, they either dimmed their light or created a persona that felt safer than their true self.
They feel most powerful when admiration is sincere and grounded. Celebrate their creativity, passions, and self-expression without turning them into entertainment. When they realize they don’t have to earn love by dazzling others, they finally feel free to step into the spotlight as themselves.
To love someone with Lilith in Virgo, you must release them from perfection. They learned that usefulness equaled safety and that mistakes led to rejection. This shaped them into someone hyper-capable, overextended, and quietly overwhelmed.
They feel powerful when love does not come with expectations of constant productivity. Let things be messy. Let plans unfold imperfectly. Invite play and rest into the relationship. When they learn that they are valued beyond what they provide, they begin to relax into love rather than manage it.
To love someone with Lilith in Libra, you must invite their desires out of hiding. Rather than being exiled by others, they learned to exile themselves, prioritizing harmony over honesty. Their anger and wants were buried in order to keep the peace.
They feel powerful when their needs are asked for and respected. Encourage directness and reassure them that disagreement does not equal abandonment. When they realize that expressing their desires does not make them unlovable, they begin to show up fully in partnership.
To love someone with Lilith in Scorpio, you must not fear their depth. From an early age, they perceived truths others avoided and were often met with discomfort or exclusion for it. As a result, they learned to protect themselves through secrecy or emotional distance.
They feel powerful when intimacy is real and unfiltered. Engage with their questions. Sit with difficult conversations. Don’t shame their interest in darkness, transformation, or healing. Your willingness to go deep with them restores their trust in connection.
To love someone with Lilith in Sagittarius, you must not cage their spirit. They grew up restricted, controlled, or confined by belief systems that discouraged exploration. Freedom became essential to their sense of self.
They feel powerful when commitment does not feel like captivity. Honor their independence and curiosity. Allow space without interpreting it as rejection. When love is framed as a choice rather than an obligation, they can stay without feeling trapped.
To love someone with Lilith in Capricorn, you must soften the climb. They learned early that achievement equaled safety and that emotional needs came second to responsibility. Strength became survival, and vulnerability felt like a risk.
They feel powerful when they are valued beyond their accomplishments. Let them rest without guilt. Create space for emotional honesty. When they realize that love does not slow them down but supports them, they allow themselves to receive it.
To love someone with Lilith in Aquarius, you must respect their difference without pedestalizing it. They were often labeled as strange or unconventional and learned to lean into their uniqueness, sometimes at the cost of connection.
They feel powerful when their ideas are met with curiosity rather than resistance. Engage with their perspective without turning it into distance or debate. When they feel both accepted and understood, they no longer need to push others away to protect their individuality.
To love someone with Lilith in Pisces, you must anchor the dream. Reality felt heavy early on, so imagination, fantasy, or spiritual escape became a refuge. This helped them survive, but it can blur boundaries in relationships.
They feel powerful when their vision is honored and grounded. Encourage creativity and faith while staying honest about what is real. When imagination is supported rather than dismissed, they learn how to create a shared world instead of escaping into one alone.