When it comes to manifesting a life we want, we often think in terms of to-do lists, sacrifice and plenty of evenings spent hunkered down instead of having fun. But forgoing pleasure in favor of productivity could actually be hurting you. Because, when it comes to manifesting passion in all areas of our life, the best place to start is with the intense physical, spiritual, soulful connection that comes from communing with your sexuality.
Single? No problem. Partnered? Great. Because your sexual flow has very little to do with your relationship, and everything to do with how connected you are to your intrinsic, essential, magical, sensual self. In our day-to-day life, it's so easy to get cut off from your sensual energy, which, believe it or not, we need in every area of our life. "Sexual energy is creative, life-force energy—literally, the energy that creates new life," says Kim Anami, a holistic sex and relationship coach, and vaginal weight lifter, who has even lifted a surfboard with nothing more than her vaginal muscles.
Anami teaches women and men that improving sexual flow can radically shift things for the better in every area of life; sexual flow can even make your bank account grow! Wait, how? "Sex, creativity, and money are all second chakra issues. When you have plenty of high-quality, love-infused sex, you’ll see your bank balance increase too," says Anami. Have weight loss goals? She's seen clients lose weight just from spending more time between the sheets. And it's not only because of the calories scorched from trying different positions. "When you open your heart and genitals to someone. Not only do you heal a world of past hurt and trauma, you tap into your superpowers," says Anami. Getting frisky to get richer and fall in love with your body? Why not give it a try?
Kim Anami's five secrets to finding (and keeping) your sexual flow:
1. Recognize all flow when you feel it.
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine a time when everything was just working. You didn't second guess conversations, you were fine pivoting plans at the last minute, and you deeply felt that you were exactly where you were supposed to be. Maybe it was the last time you were on vacation, or had a hyper-productive day at work. Whatever the circumstance, that was your flow. Flow doesn't necessarily mean that everything is easy—flow can come at the most challenging times in your life—but things shouldn't feel like they're a struggle.
Chances are, when you're in this flow state, you're in sexual flow as well, notes Anami. "When you're in sexual flow, you communicate easily, with very little strife between you and others. Sex lubricates the wheels of communication between you and the person (or people, or yourself!) you're most intimate with, which reflects in your outer life as well."
What does this mean? When you're not in the zone in your everyday life, sex can help you get there. Making time for lovemaking—even if it's pleasuring yourself or taking the time to sensuously rub in lotion rather than instantly pulling on clothes post-shower, can have a profound effect on how grounded, engaged, and passionate you feel about the life you're living right now.
Sex and holistic coach Kim Anami.
2. Have sex when you're stressed.
Insane schedule? Ideally, a super stressful or busy time in your life should correlate with an off the charts sex life. Sounds counterintuitive, but the more sex you have, the more you'll feel ready to rise to any challenges life may throw at you.
"I always tell people that sex should always be one of their three top priorities," says Anami. It's not self-indulgent, it's self-sustaining. "Sex is where you go and surrender to gain strength and energy," says Anami. Too tired? Give yourself just five minutes of self-pleasure or pleasure with your partner, and you may be surprised at just how awake and alert you feel.
3. Schedule regular sex dates.
When you're in a relationship, you know how sometimes "date night" can be more about securing reservations than whatever happens later, between the sheets? Anami says it's time to reconsider what date night really means to you.
"Once a week, schedule a three-hour sex date. Not dinner, not a movie, but three hours devoted to your intimate connection. Set the time in stone—arrange childcare, clear your schedules and make sure this time happens with each other," says Anami. And this applies if you're single as well. Getting to know your body in a way that makes you feel sensual and amazing—whether it's using a sex toy (maybe even a crystal one!), wearing nothing but a robe around the house (or whatever makes you feel sensual), or scrolling through some sexy as hell Instagram accounts—can help you tap into this life force.
Finally, communication is essential, especially when you're in a partnership. "If you have issues that are causing stress in your relationship, talk about them. If you have unresolved stuff floating in the ethers, it affects everything from your libido to your ability to get solid erections, to your orgasms," says Anami.
4. Touch yourself
Whether or not you're in a relationship, getting to know every inch of your body is clutch for getting in the mood. The more you love and cherish your own body, the more that mindset—that you're an important person who deserves to be cherished—manifests outward in all areas of your life. That's why regularly giving yourself a massage in the shower or before you go to bed, or even incorporating one while you brush your teeth, can pay off. One to try: A breast self-massage. Why? "Breasts are an extension and connection to the heart. Massaging and giving love to your breasts keeps your heart open and energy moving easily," says Anami. And this contributes to your flow state.
5. Work your yoni
Your vagina, also known as your yoni, is the true epicenter of all creativity, says Anami. But like any muscle, it needs to be worked in order for it to perform at maximum capacity. You've likely heard of Kegels, the pelvic floor strengthening exercises that require you to pull and hold your muscles, but Anami advises taking Kegels one step farther—and weight lifting with your vagina. While you don't need to lift lemons or teapots the way Anami regularly does on her @kimanami Instagram, under the hashtag #thingsIliftwithmyvagina, a jade egg is a great place to start. Put it in your yoni, and pull up, giving your body the resistance and feedback it needs to truly strengthen. Not only that, but even the act of inserting the jade egg can help put you in the mood and in touch with your sexual side. Flow on!
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